Sometimes people focus on the fact that our kids are adopted. Why wouldn’t they? It’s a big part of who we are. Yes, in some ways, it defines us. But, in a lot of ways, it is just part of us. Like, our kids are adopted and also, we like to eat hamburgers!
So, we were at the doctor’s office recently. The nurse practitioner that we were seeing is my favorite person there. She knows her stuff and speaks her mind. (But, in a good way, haha.) We got on the topic of their behaviors at home. It was just run of the mill stuff. But, I told her that I felt like I enable them. And I do. I put up with a lot and rely on their integrity to realize why it’s wrong to do or not do whatever it is. But, we all know that kids don’t generally decide to pick up their things because it’s the right thing to do.
Anyway, she told me that she understood. She continued, saying that she got that I gave them a home and I want them to be happy so it’s hard for me to set the boundaries, etc.
It was a good and understanding sentiment but it made me realize something. Something small but not. I wasn’t enabling them (or whatever you want to call it) because we adopted them. That wasn’t it.
It used to be. I used to have a lot of guilt when I felt like I wasn’t doing a good job as a mom. I would feel like I had to do better because I was chosen to be their mom. That’s a lot of pressure. But, not now. Now I just feel normal mom pressure; that’s way better, haha! Anyway, I don’t know why the heck I have been letting them get away with things (I’m working on it!) but I do know that the adoption isn’t the reason. And that’s kind of awesome. It really was freeing to realize that it wasn’t in my day to day thought process.
So why am I letting them get away with messy rooms, getting up at night, and what not? I don’t know, man. I guess I’m just drowning like the rest of the parents out there. Which is basically what I always wanted, anyway. 🙂
So, it is likely that the general population will always see us as the transracial foster adoptive family and that’s totally cool, I embrace that. It’s just nice to know something that really I already knew. It’s nice to know that I embrace them as truly mine. All mine. In all their lazy glory. 😉