Childhood Trauma And Elephants

You know how they say that your parents give you trauma? Well, it’s true! Ok, that’s not exactly what this post is about. But the story starts with my mom completely by accident saying something that has stuck with me for years. (If you keep reading, it will be clear that this is not really parent induced trauma. And my mom was wonderful.)

Elephant Rides, Back In The Day

In the 80’s, my mom took me to the zoo. Back then, they still did the elephant rides and I was definitely excited to ride one. So the elephant giving these rides was named Ellie. She was a fairly young elephant, maybe around 8-9. And while I was on this sweet elephant, she showed off one of her tricks. I think she took a bow.

Being a wimpy kid (some things never change), I got instantly freaked out. I can’t remember if I cried or screamed but I was definitely not cooly giving Ellie props for her skills. That’s when my well-meaning mom said, “You’re going to hurt Ellie’s feelings.”

And, my friends, the guilt has haunted me my entire life.

How could I hurt this sweet elephant’s feelings when she was trying so hard? What is wrong with me anyway?

Worrying About People’s Feelings

This may have led to my fear of hurting peoples’ feelings. Through the years, I have gone back to conversations with people to apologize for something that they have no recollection of. The same can probably be said for Ellie. They say elephants never forget but still, I doubt she has been carrying this insult around. But I have.

And it’s not like I can go back and apologize to Ellie. Or can I??

My Smart Daughter

So I was telling my daughter the story the other day and she said,”I wonder if she is still alive.”

I hadn’t really thought about it but I suddenly realized she could be. After learning that elephants can live 65 years, I started googling Ellie.

And I found her!

Ellie the elephant is now a 53 year old grandmother and she is living in the St. Louis Zoo in Missouri!

The Depth Of My Determination

So right now, you are probably asking yourselves, does Emily really want to drive all the way to Missouri from Florida to apologize to an elephant? 😆

Yes, yes I do!

Does my family think I’m crazy? That’s also a yes but that really wasn’t new information for them, anyway.

Will Ellie Know I’m There?

I was visualizing looking at Ellie from the rails of her elephant habitat. I hoped she would be close enough for her to hear me whisper my heartfelt apology. But wait! I wondered if they have animal encounters available??

They do!

So thanks to these animal encounters that are offered at the St Louis, Missouri zoo, I can get up close and personal to tell this 53-year-old, Asian elephant and tell her that I’m sorry for being unimpressed with her skills.

Saying Goodbye To Emotional Baggage

Am I crazy? Maybe. Is it ridiculous that this has bothered me all of these years? Probably. But will it give me some much-needed closure? Yep!

Mark my misguided words, people! I’m going to visit Ellie!