So, May is National Foster Care Month. I have good friends who are foster parents. And, it is true that it takes a special kind of person to do it. Because I don’t know if I could.
We were just starting the adoption process. And, as I was looking at the faces of the older children online, I also thought about the possibility of adopting a baby. When adopting from the system, if you want an infant, for the most part, you have to go the “foster-to-adopt” route and hope that you end up with the option to adopt a baby that you foster.
One night, I spent a lot of time reading about the process while Brian was at work. I was officially inspired when he got home. Because, although I’m a big supporter of older child adoption, I’m also human and thought it would be really cool to adopt a baby.
When I started talking to Brian about it, he did something that he doesn’t do very often (partially because it almost never works…), he stopped me in my tracks. He told me that it was a bad idea for me. That it would destroy me if they took a child away from our home. And, he was right.
It didn’t take me long to realize how right he was and also to know that the age of the child was not the critical factor, I just wanted a child. So, I dropped the idea and went back to scouring the faces of the kids on the various websites. That turned out to be the right decision.
This is why I admire the foster parents who take the children in, love them, take care of them, and move on when they move on to what is hopefully the best situation for them.
When we adopted the boys, I did lose sight of that for awhile, though.
I have always been a little (lot) insecure. I have a need to be validated and those who are close to me, put up with it because they love me. It’s not because I’m selfish or narcissistic. But, as a formerly, extremely shy and insecure child/teenager/young adult; it’s hard to shake the doubts that creep into my head. I’m exaggerating a little, I’m not a total basket case. But, I do worry.
This is why when William came to us with tons of memories and anecdotes about his foster parents – “Granddad” and “Nana,” it was hard for me. I worried that I wasn’t enough. He had very few memories of the birth mother who he was removed from at age 2. He remembered the fun highlights like “she didn’t feed me.” But, not much else. But, Nana and Granddad had taken care of him for a couple of years.
We were just starting the adoption process. And, as I was looking at the faces of the older children online, I also thought about the possibility of adopting a baby. When adopting from the system, if you want an infant, for the most part, you have to go the “foster-to-adopt” route and hope that you end up with the option to adopt a baby that you foster.
One night, I spent a lot of time reading about the process while Brian was at work. I was officially inspired when he got home. Because, although I’m a big supporter of older child adoption, I’m also human and thought it would be really cool to adopt a baby.
When I started talking to Brian about it, he did something that he doesn’t do very often (partially because it almost never works…), he stopped me in my tracks. He told me that it was a bad idea for me. That it would destroy me if they took a child away from our home. And, he was right.
It didn’t take me long to realize how right he was and also to know that the age of the child was not the critical factor, I just wanted a child. So, I dropped the idea and went back to scouring the faces of the kids on the various websites. That turned out to be the right decision.
This is why I admire the foster parents who take the children in, love them, take care of them, and move on when they move on to what is hopefully the best situation for them.
When we adopted the boys, I did lose sight of that for awhile, though.
I have always been a little (lot) insecure. I have a need to be validated and those who are close to me, put up with it because they love me. It’s not because I’m selfish or narcissistic. But, as a formerly, extremely shy and insecure child/teenager/young adult; it’s hard to shake the doubts that creep into my head. I’m exaggerating a little, I’m not a total basket case. But, I do worry.
This is why when William came to us with tons of memories and anecdotes about his foster parents – “Granddad” and “Nana,” it was hard for me. I worried that I wasn’t enough. He had very few memories of the birth mother who he was removed from at age 2. He remembered the fun highlights like “she didn’t feed me.” But, not much else. But, Nana and Granddad had taken care of him for a couple of years.
He was constantly bringing them up. And, it was totally understandable. But, it interfered with my dreamy “nothing-else-matters now” visions. I felt like I was competing. Really, Brian and I both did. It was an odd and slightly ridiculous sensation.
But, we both listened to him talk about his foster parents and, as difficult as it was to hear, we did understand that he needed to talk about it and we let him. I talked to him about the birth mother, too, on the more rare occasions that he brought her up. In my head, I thought, don’t you love me? What about me?? But, thankfully, I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut.
Time passed and, almost without noticing, the Nana and Granddad talk had decreased. And we settled into being a typical family. (Whatever that means.) Just like we wanted.
I know that William still struggles with the past and remembers that he was once in that family. Of course, he does. And, occasionally, without warning, it comes up.
The other night, we were sitting at the dinner table. William was eating chips and dipping them in hot sauce. Gross. 🙂 He asked what hand I eat my chips with. I checked and confirmed that it was my left hand. William and I are both lefties, so I kind of assumed that he did, too. But, he pointed out that he eats them with his right hand.
Then he said, “Eating chips with the right hand used to run in my family.”
This, I was not expecting and I waited to hear exactly which family he was referring to.
He elaborated. “My foster family used to eat chips with their right hand.”
Not only was it super odd, but it stung a little. I resisted the urge to look him in the eye and tell him that he must always eat chips with his left hand because this is his one and only family. Not only would that have been over the top, but, of course, we’re not his one and only family. He’s got 2 biological brothers and a sister who are not in this family, but are his family. He’s got the foster parents who were his family, even though they aren’t anymore. And, of course, he’s got biological connections to other people he knew once, will know one day, or never will. It makes my head hurt. And, my heart.
But, this month, I am reminded of the other side. Nana and Granddad may have been my unintentional competition. But, they also deserve my gratitude. They were the ones that kept my sons safe until we were able to come for them. William had amazing manners, excellent grammar and vocabulary, and, most importantly, he had an attachment to them. He felt safe in their care and felt bonded. And, I believe that is part of the reason that he was able to bond so easily to us.
I don’t know if I could do it. I don’t know if I could take care of a child, fall in love with him (because I would), and give him away. Lucky for me, they could. There is a huge demand for adoptive parents, but there is also a real need for foster parents. The system needs more people who will step in and care for these kids until their forever homes are found (with them or elsewhere).
So, Nana and Granddad did what they needed to do. They provided care to the boys, took them on trips, and instilled such a Spiderman obsession in William that he introduced himself as Peter Parker when he started VPK. I’m not sure that last part was in the foster care handbook. But, you get the point. 😉 They did this, then they stepped back and let us have them.
So, as much as I wanted to pretend that William and Antwan’s existence started on the day that we met. It didn’t. And, really, that’s ok. They are here now. And, we will always be grateful to their foster parents for keeping them safe and secure for us until we got our hands on them. 🙂
*And, since it is National Foster Care Month and we are an AdoptUSkids spokesfamily, I’d just thought I’d mention that if you’re interested in foster care, adoption, or other ways to help, please, check out http://adoptuskids.org/! They’ll help you out. 🙂
the6parkers 
Thanks for the shout-out. :)-AdoptUSKids
LikeLike
You're welcome!! 🙂
LikeLike
ADOPTUSKIDS.Only criminals would take that to the bank.And of course that's what WASHINGTON- QUEEN- RRAPOP did.And so did ADA but he was an orphan so he should be exempted from all the other HERSPRCS.I'll tell you one thing.SONNO is going to get it up the ANESS in ANESSUP .And so will DASSAULT.
LikeLike
Hi. I stumbled across your blog a while ago through an adoptive family we know, I love reading! Anyway, we are a foster family. We become licensed for foster care with the intention to adopt. We didn't want to foster, only adopt. Anyway, our first placement was of course a foster placement. It was 2 boys (6 months and 3 years). The 3 year old went home to his dad in about 6 weeks. The baby just went home to his dad (different dads) this week—after being with us 15 months. When we first got him, I was ready to fight anyone who said this baby should ever go home, but as things went on, we could see being with his biological dad was what was best for our little guy. When people say \”I could never give them back\”, I always reply with \”they aren't mine to give back or to keep\”. We think of ourselves as babysitters sometimes. It has been hard to say goodbye, but no where near as hard as I thought it would be. You could do it too!Shannon
LikeLike
Hi, Shannon, thanks for reading! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you. I have a lot of respect for you for handling it so well! I still don't know if I could do it. 🙂 Glad there are people like you who can, though!
LikeLike
Just stumbled across you blog via Adoptuskids/Facebook.Great post and you honesty and truth is refreshing.m.
LikeLike
My husband and I became foster parents after a failed private adoption. Giving our baby girl back to her mother was the hardest thing we had ever done, but when it was over we realized we were still ok. We were still the same people we were before, and the world did not end as I figured it would. 🙂 We knew that the kids in the foster care system needed parents, good parents, even if it was only for a little while…so we decided this must be what the universe wants for us. Our first foster placement came quickly, it was a newborn baby boy who was ready to leave the hospital. We ended up adpoting him about 6 months later. Now 4 years later we are still doing foster care. I do hope to adopt again, but we love each and every foster child as if they are our own. I think of them all every day in different ways, and even though it hurts when they go, I look back at it all with so much happieness…..These kids have made me a better person. I'm very thankful for all of them. 🙂 -Mom to 1, Foster Mom to 13 over the last 4 years
LikeLike
Keep up the great blog! Many newbies have little info.about foster kids, I know! You just get pushed into the deep end,You Swim,or Not. I have adopted my 2 little guys,But had no extra time for more. The Drs. therapist + Speech all keep me hopping. But recently I see the advances I have hoped for. I luv program LOVE+ Logic! Wish I knew about it for My biological Daughter.
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLike
What a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing! And, thank you for doing what you do. 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you! We definitley had a few surprises right after our boys were placed with us (for adoption). 🙂
LikeLike
oakley pas cher, converse pas cher, nike air max, air max, air max, vans, vans shoes, sac guess, new balance pas cher, michael kors, north face, longchamp, ralph lauren, hogan, karen millen, nike free, lacoste, nike free, longchamp, barbour, timberland, sac louis vuitton, montre pas cher, louboutin, nike blazer, mulberry, louis vuitton, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, vanessa bruno, ray ban pas cher, michael kors, nike trainers, ralph lauren, lululemon, hollister, nike roshe run, louis vuitton, louis vuitton, burberry, michael kors, ray ban, air force, nike huarache, hermes, air jordan, nike roshe, tn pas cher, longchamp, hollister
LikeLike
rolex watches, north face jackets, roshe run, beats by dre, marc jacobs, reebok outlet, birkin bag, herve leger, canada goose outlet, lululemon outlet, giuseppe zanotti, soccer jerseys, instyler, new balance shoes, ugg boots, ugg boots, soccer shoes, moncler, insanity, canada goose, canada goose, moncler outlet, asics, canada goose outlet, celine handbags, moncler, bottega veneta, jimmy choo, wedding dresses, juicy couture outlet, moncler, juicy couture outlet, abercrombie and fitch, canada goose, canada goose, mcm handbags, ferragamo shoes, ugg, uggs outlet, uggs on sale, p90x, mac cosmetics, babyliss pro, supra shoes, north face outlet, nfl jerseys, ghd, valentino shoes, mont blanc, chi flat iron
LikeLike
ray ban sunglasses, nike shoes, longchamp outlet, louboutin, burberry outlet online, louboutin outlet, christian louboutin shoes, gucci outlet, michael kors outlet, toms shoes, jordan shoes, burberry outlet online, longchamp handbags, nike free, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet online, prada handbags, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet online, coach factory outlet, tiffany and co, kate spade handbags, kate spade outlet, coach outlet store online, michael kors outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, prada outlet, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet stores, true religion jeans, louis vuitton handbags, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp handbags, air max, coach outlet, coach outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet online, chanel handbags, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike air max, coach purses, louis vuitton outlet online, tory burch outlet, louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet
LikeLike
nfl jerseyshollister clothingghd hairpolo ralph lauren outletpandora jewelrykate spadeprada handbagsbeats by dreray ban sunglassesray-ban sunglasseschristian louboutinburberry outletlululemon outlet onlinefitflop shoeskate spade handbagsmarc jacobs outletlacoste polo shirtsray ban sunglasses uktods outletlouis vuitton handbagsfred perry polo shirtspandora charmstoms shoestoms shoeshollister clothingray bancoach outlet onlineoakley sunglasseslouis vuitton outlet onlinecoach outlet onlineoakley sunglasseslongchamp outletpandora charmsair force one shoeskate spade handbagslouis vuittontiffany and coray banmont blanc pensburberry outlet onlineyao20150402
LikeLike
150518huangqihangcoach outlet onlinemichael kors ukchanel outletabercrombiemichael kors handbagscoach outlet store onlinekate spade outlettrue religion jeansgucci ukralph lauren uktory burch outlet onlinechanel bagsair max 95caoch outletchristian louboutin saleoakley sunglasses wholesalepandora jewelrymichael kors bagsoakley sunglassestoms shoesray ban outletcheap jordanspandora charmscheap ray ban sunglassesray ban sunglassesgucci outletcoach factory outletmichael kors outlet onlinepandora jewelryray ban sunglassray bansburberry handbags oakley sunglassq
LikeLike
chenlina20150626abercrombie kidsmichael kors outlet online salechanel handbagsjordan 5red timberland bootspolo outletabercrombie fitchhollisterabercrombie and fitchjordan concordsmichael kors outletmichael korshollisterair max 90michael kors outletceline handbagslouis vuittontimberland propolo ralph laurencheap jerseys wholesalecoach outlet onlinecoach outlet store onlinemichael kors uktimberlandsmichael kors handbagsnike air maxmichael kors outletabercrombie and fitch new yorkgucci handbagslouis vuitton outletlouis vuittonhollister kidsburberry saleinsanity workoutmulberry handbagslouboutin shoesmichael kors ukmichael kors outletprada outletair jordan retroas
LikeLike
los angeles clippers jerseyscowboys jerseyshermes beltlebron james shoes,lebron 12,lebron 12 shoes,lebron sneakers,lebron iv,lebron 11,lebron 10bottega veneta walletpackers jerseysjeremy maclin jersey,jamaal charles jersey,joe montana jersey,justin houston jersey,dontari poe jersey,eric berry jerseymbt shoessupra footwearcheap soccer jerseyscanada goose jacketsthe north face outletthe north facethe north facetrue religion salenorth face outlet storeoakley sunglassesnba jerseyslebron james shoesvibram fivefingerssupra shoesburberry outletchicago blackhawks jerseygiants jerseyrobert griffin jersey,joe theismann jersey,andre roberts jersey,sonny jurgensen jersey,art monk jersey,bashaud breeland jersey,barry cofield jersey,perry riley jersey,e.j. biggers jersey,duke ihenacho jersey,josh morgan jerseychicago bulls jerseynorth face outletugg ukchelsea jerseysoccer jerseysmanchester united jerseylebron shoesswarovski crystalswarovski ukysl outlet online
LikeLike
ralph lauren outlet onlinelululemonyoga pantsnike canadapandorawatchesmichael korsadidastiffanyhollisterabercrombie and fitchoakleywedding dressesswarovskihilfigernew balanceburberrynorth faceralph laurenray banlouboutinair maxbcbg maxugg
LikeLike
nike free ukfivefingers shoespandoramichael kors outlet, http://www.michaelkors-outlets.us.commcm handbagsfutbol baratasgucci shoesburberry outlet onlineadidas wingsswarovski jewelryburberry outletlouis vuitton handbagsmlb jerseyskate spade outletpittsburgh steelers jerseythomas sabo ukburberry outletreplica watchesdiscount oakley sunglassesatlanta falcons jerseyhollister shirtsfitflop shoesnew england patriots jerseysoakley sunglassesgiuseppe zanotti outletmarc jacobs outletindianapolis colts jerseysray ban sunglassesstuart weitzman bootsseattle seahawks jerseyscheap nfl jerseystory burch shoeslacoste polo shirtsgucci handbagstory burch outlet onlinecoach outletprada handbagsoakley sunglassestods outletherve leger2015804caihuali
LikeLike
20150912 jundaAbercrombie & Fitch Factory Outletlouis vuitton outletMichael Kors Outlet Online Mallmichael kors ukfit flopsmichael kors outletWholesale Authentic Designer Handbagstrue religionmichael kors handbagMichael Kors Outlet Real Handbags Onlinecoach outletcoach factory outletair max 90michael korscoach factory outletabercrombiemichael kors outletmichael kors handbagsDiscount Ray Ban Polarized Sunglassesmichael kors handbagCoach Factory Outlet Online SaleMichael Kors Handbags Huge Off ralph lauren ukcanada goose jacketsnike trainersOfficial Coach Factory Outlet Online Saletoms outletcanada goose outletMichael Kors Handbags Outlet DealsLouis Vuitton Clearance SaleJordan 6 Rings Powder BlueAbercrombie T-Shirtsmichael kors bagsLouis Vuitton Bags On SaleCoach Outlet Store Online Shop
LikeLike
20150912 jundaAbercrombie & Fitch Factory Outletlouis vuitton outletMichael Kors Outlet Online Mallmichael kors ukfit flopsmichael kors outletWholesale Authentic Designer Handbagstrue religionmichael kors handbagMichael Kors Outlet Real Handbags Onlinecoach outletcoach factory outletair max 90michael korscoach factory outletabercrombiemichael kors outletmichael kors handbagsDiscount Ray Ban Polarized Sunglassesmichael kors handbagCoach Factory Outlet Online SaleMichael Kors Handbags Huge Off ralph lauren ukcanada goose jacketsnike trainersOfficial Coach Factory Outlet Online Saletoms outletcanada goose outletMichael Kors Handbags Outlet DealsLouis Vuitton Clearance SaleJordan 6 Rings Powder BlueAbercrombie T-Shirtsmichael kors bagsLouis Vuitton Bags On SaleCoach Outlet Store Online Shop
LikeLike
fangyanting20151023coach outletugg ukmichael kors outletherve leger outletlouis vuitton handbagsmichael kors bagsmichael kors outletralph lauren outletlouis vuitton handbagslouis vuitton outletugg bootsugg salemichael kors factory outletlouis vuitton outletgucci handbagspandora jewelrypandora jewelrychanel handbagslouis vuitton bagssnow bootsbasketball shoesugg bootslongchamp outletnike air max shoescanada goose jackets
LikeLike
fangyanting20151023asicscheap nfl jerseystrue religion jeansugg outletwellensteyn jacketsoakley sunglassesoakleyprada handbagsmichael kors outletlongchamp handbagslouis vuitton outletparajumpers coatscoach outletbeats by dr drecheap ugg bootsswarovski crystalralph lauren shirtsmichael kors handbagsugg australiabelstaff jacketscoach outlet canadaugg outletthomas sabo ukkobe bryant shoescheap michael kors handbags
LikeLike
uggs canada, adidas schuhe, longchamp outlet, custom roshe runs, michael kors, pandora schmuck, air max 2015, ray bans, marc by marc jacobs, rayban, michael kors outlet online, baseball bat, abercrombie and fitch, ralph lauren outlet, jordan retro 11, christian louboutin, hogan, adidas.se, oakley outlet, louis vuitton, knockoff handbags, ugg australia, ferragamo shoes, bags outlet, tommy hilfiger outlet stores, nike.com, tiffany canada, indoor soccer shoes, michael kors australia, toms shoes outlet, michael kors handbags clearance, rayban, gucci handbags, longchamp handbags, ugg boots clearance, nike outlet, nike air force, uggs, nike roshe, swarovski crystals, coach factory, oakley sunglasses outlet, coach outlet store, thomas sabo, rolex watch, nike outlet store, jimmy choo outlet
LikeLike
coach perfume gift set coach silver purse coach swingpack sale coach diaper bags outlet black coach handbags coach shopping bag coach purse coupons coach outlet leesburg coach thong sandals coach shoulder purse coach outlet free shipping coach totes sale wholesale coach coach hip bag leather coach bag coach factory free shipping code coach value spree coach madison sabrina coach outlet cheap online coach factory outlet coach retail coach coupons online coach wallets cheap authentic cheap coach handbags coach wallets womens coach bag usa coach computer bags coach iphone 5 wallet
LikeLike
niketimberlandcoachair maxcoachpradamichael korscoachnikemichael korsjordanfitflopmbtmichael korscanada goosefitflopair maxburberrylouisvuittongucciuggmichael korscoachcoachchristian louboutinfitfloprolexnorth facenikenikecoachlebron jamesmichael korsmichael korsmichael korsjordanjordancoachcoachjordanchristian louboutinjordanguccijordanqwe12.26
LikeLike
cleveland cavaliers jerseyatlanta falcons jerseynew york knicks jerseykobe 9miami dolphins jerseysnike trainers ukmiami heatsan antonio spurssan francisco 49ers jerseysair max 2014jordan 4mizuno shoesnike outlet onlinehollisternike outlet storeabercrombie outletbengals jerseyoklahoma city thundersaints jerseysair jordan 11oklahoma city thunder jerseyspatriots jerseysair max uktods outletmac cosmeticsboston celticscarolina panthers jerseymarc jacobsgiuseppe zanotti outletravens jerseysjets jerseycincinnati bengals jerseyslinyuan0420
LikeLike
asics,asics israel,asics shoes,asics running shoes,asics israel,asics gel,asics running,asics gel nimbus,asics gel kayanomichael kors handbags wholesalecartier watches for saletiffany outletjuicy couture tracksuitmichael kors outlethermes outlet storebeats by drefitflops outlet salecoach outlet onlinecheap jordansralph lauren outletpolo shirtsnike tn pas cherprada sunglassesnfl jersey wholesaletoms outletray ban sunglasseschaussure louboutinversace sunglasses on salechrome hearts outletcoach outlet storefitflops salelongchamp outletkobe bryant shoesnike air max 90toms outletswarovski outletrolex watcheslouis vuitton sunglasseslebron shoesnike air max 90cheap michael kors handbagsmichael kors walletmichael kors uk16.7.7qqqqqing
LikeLike
ray ban sunglassesmichael kors handbagschristian louboutin outlettimberland shoescoach outlet store onlinelouis vuitton purseslouis vuittonburberry outletfit flopscoach factory outletcanada goose jacketsmichael kors outletralph lauren outletugg bootsoakley outletugg salecoach outletlongchamp outletugg bootsconcord 11juicy couturecheap jordan shoesnike roshe runroshe runfitflop salejordan retro 11true religion jeanskevin durant shoes 7adidas factory outletlouis vuitton handbagsreplica watchesretro jordanshermes birkin bagcheap rolex watcheslouis vuittonair jordansmichael kors handbagsnfl jerseyschenlili20160824
LikeLike
coach outlet store onlinelouis vuitton outletugg boots parisuggs on salelouis vuittonmichael kors canadacoach outletmichael kors outlet clearancecleveland cavaliers jerseyslouis vuitton outletchenlina20160928
LikeLike
Our Dolphins Flag is constructed of polyester, measures 3×5 feet, and has two metal grommets for attaching to a traditional flagpole, tailgate pole, or our 6' aluminum flagpole. The perimeter of our Dolphins Flag is double stitched and the Officially Licensed NFL Miami Dolphins team logos are dye sublimated into the flag so they won't peel. Due to its large size, this flag is also perfect to hang in your game room, sports room, office, or kids room.dallas cowboys american flagcowboys stars and stripes flagsRavens american flagsBills stars and stripes flags
LikeLike
Caratterizzato iconico aspetto a strisce del club, la nuova casa camicia Fenerbahce è tenuto molto pulito e tradizionale. Ha un collare a girocollo e le strisce Adidas sono posizionati sui lati, permettendo la marina e strisce gialle per proseguire sulle maniche. La prestazione logo Adidas, in posizione centrale sulla maglia Fenerbahce 2016-17 e le tre stelle sopra lo stemma del club sono d’argento.maglie calcio poco prezzo,maglie da calcio a poco prezzo, Maglia Deportivo a poco prezzo shop Maglia real madrid a poco prezzo 2017
LikeLike
michael kors handbagsmichael kors handbags wholesalenike trainerssupra shoes saleecco shoesdolce and gabbana shoesmichael kors handbags outletnike trainersnike roshe runmichael kors handbags
LikeLike