The Year Has Ended!

Here we are! The school year is over and I am enjoying my first teacher summer!

I say it’s my first summer because last year, I missed half of the year and the summer was not like a summer. It was just more days of struggling and wondering if things will ever get easier.

This year, I started at the same school from the previous year and it was really hard. I was so excited to be back but I soon found out that everything was a trigger. Everywhere I looked, I saw a reminder of when my life was different. I even had a student named William. (Oh, come on, Universe!)

So, yeah, my trauma was everywhere. But, thankfully, a former co-worker helped me get transferred to her new school.

And it was a game changer.

Finding Myself Again

I slowly started to feel like myself again. There were still triggers, for sure. Like when one of my students had a seizure and 911 had to be called. After it was over, I totally lost it. Because you see, William had seizures and of course, I think it’s obvious why I would find paramedics traumatizing. Last time that I encountered rescue, they were removing my dead son from the house.

Or most recently, when my students were being split up between classes because of staffing issues. And I was fighting back tears because I was ptsd-ing and felt like my kids were being taken away from me.

I have a really good therapist. And she has taught me that I can’t escape the trauma. I have to learn how to deal with it. I’m trying, I’m really trying. Therapy is helping to heal me but the healing is slow. And I doubt it will ever be complete. I’m not who I was. But I am determined to get as close to her as I can.  

Preparing For The Future

As far as my professional life, fortunately, I am in a much better situation.. I love the school and I love the people who I work with. I’m looking forward to next year. I’m excited about starting and ending the year at the same school.

Anyway, I have learned a lot about myself this year and I’m ready to use it to my advantage.

Well, that was my extremely abbreviated work update! Stay tuned for my extremely abbreviated Brian’s health update!

(Oh and also, we got a super cute class pet!)