Our Kids’ Oldest Brother And Us.

Somewhere in the midst of all of that, Frank left his (adoptive) family. He was 18 but still in high school.  He says that they kicked him out, they say that he left. There are more details involved, but, of course, it’s not my place to share them.  But, basically, it boiled down to an “If you don’t like it, you can leave!”  moment.  He heard them say to leave now and they watched him leave now.

Very sad. Even sadder was the fact that he was suddenly on his own with no G.E.D, no job, and no emotional support.  He reconnected with some of his biological family, but since not a lot has changed there, it hasn’t exactly increased his chances at success.

That’s all I will say about that. The point is that he found himself in a situation with little to no support. He is working dead-end jobs, scraping by, walking to work, losing those dead-end jobs when he gets there late due to late buses or miscalculating how long it will take him to walk, sleeping on random people’s couches…basically, living life as a high school drop out. He is living the life of a kid who aged out of foster care without any of the supports. Because it turns out that he can’t get them.  (I checked, he doesn’t qualify.)

We didn’t realize how bad his situation was, until now. He would send me messages here and there and then disappear.  And, although I cared, I would get wrapped back up in my life, not realizing that he might need us and not realizing that I needed to reach out to him if I wanted him to stick around.  He was living with the belief that people don’t stick around so I’m guessing that he was assuming that we wouldn’t either.  But, then we started to realize that he might need us.  So, then I started reaching out and he started communicating more.  That’s when we started to understand how bad the situation was.  That’s when we decided to be involved.  Because as far as we are concerned, we are his family, too, even if it’s not true from a technical or legal standpoint.

It’s been wonderful being able to connect him with his 3 youngest siblings again.  I’m trying to patiently wait for Kaleb to come around (I know that he will) and haven’t forced him to see his oldest brother…yet.  😉  Frank embraces the big brother role perfectly and is a natural at it.  He also is very tolerant of my need for pictures and smiles for each and every one. haha.

We’ve helped him financially as much as we can which is tricky for a paycheck to paycheck fam.  We’ve fed him.  I’ve marched him through Walgreens, buying a variety of cold medicines and cough drops because he was sick and I hated the idea that no one would be there to take care of him.  In an effort to try to help him get his car all registered, tagged, and licensed and to get him in a safe, stable living arrangement, we created a gofundme on his behalf and some wonderful people have donated. And, I am so grateful for the donations, the shares, and the words of encouragement!
We’re not doing this because we are great or anything like that.  We’re doing it because someone should be and no one else was.  And, of course, because we love him. 🙂  And, even though, he’s a legal adult, he’s still a kid in many ways.  I can’t imagine trying to get by at age 20 without support and I’m so glad that I didn’t have to. 

So, here we are with our 4 kids and our whatever the heck Frank is in our new version of reality.  I embrace the unofficial mom position because it’s just kind of what I do and he needs someone to love him.  And, I do.  I always have.  And, I think he’s starting to believe that.  So many people in his life have let him down and I don’t intend to be one of those people.  (As long as he doesn’t equate me being perpetually late to me letting him down. haha.)  Because Frank (just like my kids, everybody’s kids, kids who were/are in the foster care system, and kids who grew up in stable homes) deserves to be loved, really, really loved.