When Your Kid Is Secure

“Your kids are so lucky!” “You saved them!”

These are statements that adoptees despise. I always responded with something to the effect of “we are the lucky ones” or “they saved us.” These are meant as such kind comments and these are surely comments that I made myself. But people don’t realize that it could make the kids feel like they should feel grateful just for having something that every child deserves. And like they have to remain worthy of it. It’s a lot of pressure.

My Kids Don’t Have To Be Grateful For Love

So we tried really hard to make sure that our kids didn’t feel like we had done some great act. I told them how I completely believed that I couldn’t get pregnant because the universe wanted us to go find them. Brian told them that he loved them and there was nothing they could do about it. Meaning, it’s unconditional love, kids, you’re so loved.

Are They Secure?

The boys are secure, although one struggles emotionally, with other issues, and likely always will. That’s a whole other post but also not my story to share.

But if there was ever a success story, it is our Lizzie’s. There is not even an ounce of insecurity of our love in that girl. Whatever else she may or may not struggle with, she knows that we love her. She doesn’t feel like she has to earn it, she accepts that it just is.

Actually, she might be a little too secure…😆

Putting Us In Our Place

On random occasions when she is bugging us for something or giving me a hard time as teenage girls do; I usually say something like “you’re driving me crazy” or “what am I going to do with you?” You know, some typical mom response.

She has two go-to responses.

“Too bad, you’re the ones who decided you wanted kids!”

or

“It’s your fault, you adopted us!’

I mean, I guess she is being snarky and technically disrespectful (but not really) and I just love it so much. She feels safe and secure. She sees adoption as just another way to become a family which it is. But, she is kind of giving it extra legitimacy.

She Feels Loved

A daughter who feels completely loved. What more can you ask for? We really are so lucky to have them. These kids made us parents and completely saved us.