Our First Christmas Together

This was a significant Christmas.  This was our first Christmas as a family of six.  Kaleb was with us last year, but he was visiting.  He was on his best behavior.  And, even though, we were trying to treat him like a member of the family.  And, he was acting like he was a member of the family.  Technically, he wasn’t. 

I remember feeling heartbroken because we weren’t able to get them many presents.  We were struggling a bit financially and, then, we found ourselves completely in charge of another child’s presents.  I was in tears on Christmas Eve because I wanted to give them all more.  But, no one seemed to care and they just enjoyed the time together. 

Apparently, they understood the true meaning of Christmas a bit more than I did, in some  moments….

This year was different.  We are a family.  Legally, emotionally, and technically—we are a family. 

And, that means that he wasn’t on his best behavior.  I’m not saying that he is a bad kid or anything like that, I’m just saying that he is my kid.  There are no more performances.  There is just us.  🙂

We were able to give them a better Christmas, this time, in terms of presents.  Of course, this made me very happy.  Hearing the kids exclaim as they opened presents and saw what they were hoping for or what they didn’t know that they wanted, but were thrilled to get; that was a great feeling.  But, the best feeling, of course, was that we were together.

After opening presents, we went to my sister’s house.  We had lunch.  We opened more presents.  We spent time with family.  The kids and the husband, haha, patiently posed for a ridiculous amount of family pictures.  This was very sweet, even though, I never really got a good one.  This broke my heart a bit because I’m a little obsessed with pictures, haha.  But that’s the thing, that was basically  the worst thing that happened that day.  Not too bad. 🙂

We came home and we watched the Christmas special of Doctor Who and then called it a night.

I was ready!

I went to bed, wishing it would never end. 

But, before all that, I had a brief conversation with Kaleb.  That morning, we were in the hallway and I was stalling the kids there while we waited for Daddy to come out. 

Kaleb told me that he had a dream.  I’ve been wracking my brain trying to remember what he said and I can’t remember exactly.  I’m sure he’ll remind me after he reads this post. 😉  But, it was something to the effect of dreaming that everyone got presents and he didn’t or he ate dinner alone while we all ate in the dining room.  I can’t remember, but what I do remember is that it was, clearly, his subconscious bringing up a page from his past.  It was a memory of a time when he was separated and not always considered worthy of being part of the family.  Sadly, this past causes him to be sensitive to moments when he feels discounted or shoved aside.  But, here’s the thing, that time has passed.  Undoubtedly, I’m going to screw up a lot of things, but I am never going to deliberately treat him as less than.  And, I’m definitely never going to think of him as less than.  And, I think he consciously knows that, even if his subconscious has its moments of doubt.

Yep, he is one of us now.  One of us.

And, if I have to put us all in matching shirts for the rest of his childhood (and maybe, after!) to prove that point; well, then, I will do what I must do! 😉