Growing Up Too Fast

I thought that I had this mom thing under control. And, then, we adopted a teenager. Being a mom to a teenager is different. And, being a mom to a teenager who is still just a little boy in so many ways is definitely different. I have learned a lot about myself as I’ve learned to parent a teenager. (This is not to suggest that I now have it figured out, by the way.) I haven’t liked everything that I’ve learned about me, but, maybe (Just maybe!), if I pay attention to all of it; it will make me a better mom and person. And, with all my jokes (that aren’t really jokes) about wanting them not to grow up; I sometimes expect him to act more like a grown up than he is. But, when you think about it, he’s had to be a grown up for most of his life. So, maybe, it’s time for him to act like a little kid.

Kaleb is a force of nature. I thought that William was a force of nature and I thought that Antwan was a force of nature. And, they are. But, I didn’t really know how forcey nature could be until there was Kaleb.

He talks. He sings. He hums. He whistles. He drums. He hates the silence. Where as, I kind of think a few minutes of silence would be pretty cool… (Well, I can’t really remember it, but I think it was kind of nice.) I didn’t realize that he hated the silence, though, until recently.

We were driving in the van and I realized that he wasn’t talking. Since I spend a lot of time reacting to him, I took the opportunity to ask him a question. I wanted him to know that I genuinely want to talk to him. I wanted him to feel valued.

So, I asked him what the difference is between the old Assassins Creed and the new Assassins Creed. Xbox games is not my favorite topic in the world, but I have to admit that I’m intrigued by the rather life-like manly and, often shirtless, pirate characters in the game. 😉

I could tell that he was pleased. He answered the question. I listened. I commented. It was all very pleasant.

A few seconds of silence passed as I basked in the glory of doing the right thing, haha. Then, he said, “Well, I don’t like the silence, so I’ll keep talking.” And, he did.

Oh! Mystery solved! He doesn’t like the silence. I don’t know if it’s because it was always noisy in his foster homes or because it wasn’t. Maybe no one listened before. Maybe it’s just his nature. Or maybe he just really likes his voice. But, he definitely doesn’t like silence. This is why he asks random questions “what if” questions and blurts out non sequitur comments to me. It all made sense. Well, it didn’t all make sense, but this part did, anyway. 🙂

As time has passed, Kaleb has gotten better about waiting his turn to talk, they all have. I think that has been one of the biggest challenges; trying to make sure that everyone has a chance to be heard. But, it’s so important that they are all. Adding one more person who wants to talk to me means that it sometimes takes a little longer to get to everyone’s turn. I really notice it in the afternoons. I sit in my “homework helping” chair and marvel at the rotating door of questions and clarifications that I receive. One after another, they ask me to sign their planners, check their homework, listen to their stories, and approve their snack requests. Believe me when I say that homework time takes hours. And, at the end of the day, I sometimes feel like that is all that I have done. I know that I’m not alone in this, though, of course. Welcome to a multi-child household, Emily! 😉

But, what makes it all worth it is the other times and when I remember to seize opportunities to create moments. For example! — It was a few minutes before Kaleb’s bedtime and we were just sitting around. For some reason, the song “My Bonny” popped in my head. If you don’t know it, the main point of the song is that you have to stand up or sit down, every time a “B” word is sang. Here’s a hint- there are several. So, I got up and made Kaleb do it with me. We barely made it through the whole song. Wow, it was easier to jump up and down when I was a little girl in girl scouts! But, it was fun. 🙂 When we were done, I had a “smart mom” moment and instead of going back to my comfy recliner (also known as my homework helping chair), I sat on the couch with him and he put his head on my lap.

I sat there, rubbing his head as he fell asleep. And, I thought about how amazing our reality really is. With all the challenges, the mess, the noise, and the general chaos; he is here with us and that is an absolute good.

So, what do I do with a little boy who pretends to be a grown-up, but then insists on being tucked in and who, yesterday, roped me into feeding him his yogurt with a spoon because I didn’t “have the chance when he was little?”

Love him, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll love him!

And, also, apparently, I’ll listen to a lot of singing and humming. But, that’s ok, I like to sing, too. 🙂

And, P.S, check out this new ad from AdoptUSkids and The Ad Council! I love it! It reminds me of Kaleb and me. And, I love that they are representing transracial adoption!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8Li_CAXdvI&feature=youtu.be

//pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

M	T	W	T	F	S	S
					1	2
3	4	5	6	7	8	9
10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23
24	25	26	27	28

Growing Up Too Fast

15 thoughts on “Growing Up Too Fast”

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Share this:

Like this:

Related

15 thoughts on “Growing Up Too Fast”

Leave a Reply Cancel reply