Are You Paid To Have Us?

Yesterday, Kaleb was talking about wanting to go to the movies and he mentioned Thor.  I, obviously, support the viewing of Thor so I said that maybe we could see it next weekend when Daddy would be off.  Anyway, he didn’t seem convinced and just said that it would be expensive.  That’s when I pointed out that the end of the month is the best time to do things like that because that’s when we get the subsidy (for the younger three).  I thought that he already knew about the subsidy, but, apparently not because he asked me what it was.  That’s when I got uncomfortable.  I don’t like talking about money.  But, I explained that the state gives us a certain amount, each month, to assist with expenses.
“Oh, so, basically, you’re paid to have us?”

Then, I got really uncomfortable.
 I tried to be casual and just said, “I wouldn’t put it that way, at all.  It’s something that the state does to help.  And, it definitely helps.  That’s why I can afford to work only part-time.  And, eventually, not at all.”
He didn’t say anything.
I added “But, we’re definitely not paid to have you.  It’s a help, but it doesn’t cover everything.  And, Daddy and I didn’t know about the subsidy when we got ready to adopt, but, of course, it was a pleasant surprise.”
I braced myself for a reaction, but none ever came.  He went back to playing the Xbox and didn’t mention it again.  
Apparently, he was satisfied with my answer.  But, as he played his game, I had plenty of time to obsess.  I do that.
There have been times in our society when foster parents have been accused of fostering for the money.  As someone who gets 80% of the official foster care rate, I can tell you that it if you are trying to make money from fostering, you are not succeeding.  Kids are expensive, after all.  
No, we didn’t know about any of the adoption incentives when we started out.  In fact, we didn’t know until we were done with the classes, home study, and background checks.  We only knew that the adoption, itself, would be free for us and we could afford free.  We didn’t know that, in Florida, kids who are classified as special needs receive monthly subsidies, that all of them are eligible for Medicaid until they are 18, and they all can go to college in Florida for free.  Free college, people.  We have 4 kids…how relieved were we??
When I get on my soapbox and tell coworkers, friends, neighbors, or fellow customers in the grocery store about foster care adoption, I try to tell them these things.  These conversations happens a lot because people tend to have questions.  Since, most people don’t know about these incentives and they might make a difference, I tell them.  There are a lot of people out there with a lot of love to give, but not a lot of money to spend (a.k.a. The Parkers) who might take the adoption plunge if they thought they could make it work, financially.
I am always uncomfortable talking about the subsidy, though, and I always, always, mention that we didn’t know about it until we started the process.  Most of the time, people are surprised and impressed.  Everyone thinks that the free college is cool.  And, sometimes, I feel weird for telling them about it at all.  Brian doesn’t share my paranoia, but he does share my passion for letting the world know.  And, since he finds himself in these situations, too, he’s had a quite a few soapbox moments of his own.  
So, a couple of months ago, I got into a conversation with a coworker.  She said that she’d like to adopt, but was probably too old and too single.  There, in the bathroom, I quickly pulled my soapbox out of my pocket, climbed on and told her that there was no age or marital requirement.  I had a live one, so I kept talking! ; )  And, because, she works non-profit, like me, I knew that some of the incentives could benefit her.  But, when I told her about the subsidy, she said “Well, I don’t care about the money, I just want to adopt.”
Then, I felt greedy.
Now, I know that she was probably just making sure that I didn’t think that she cared about the money and I was definitely paranoid that she would think that I did.  But, I still felt like I needed to defend myself.  But, beyond, pointing out that we didn’t know about it, etc, etc, I just let it go.  
Besides, when it comes down to it, I’m pretty sure that everyone knows that it’s not about the money with us.  Most importantly, though, the kids know.  The kids know how much we love them.  As I might have hinted a couple of times, ha; the kids are our world. 🙂 
But, because of the adoption subsidy, I can get away with buying more matching shirts than I might have been able to, otherwise.  I can sneak in a couple more trips to McDonald’s.  I can buy some more donuts.  And, when I’m feeling extra festive, I can pay the electric bill.  Oh, shoot, that reminds me, I actually do need to pay the electric bill?! 
So, no, Kaleb, we are not paid to have you.  Assistance or not, you are my son and I love you.  Now, sit down and have a donut in our house that now will continue to have power.  But, first, make sure that this shirt fits you; we are all wearing blue shirts tomorrow when we go to McDonald’s! 



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15 thoughts on “Are You Paid To Have Us?

  1. I'm glad you talk about this. After we researched adoption we chose to pursue foster adopt because 1 – it felt right and 2 – It's the only possible way we could afford it. Sometimes I feel guilty that money made such a big part of the decision – but I want to be able to provide for my children – and if I spend thousands adopting them, I won't have anything left to provide. 🙂


  2. طرق كشف تسربات المياه بالرياضطرق الكشف عن تسربات المياه التقليدية من الطرق السيئة التى تحتاج الى الكسر والتبليط وتحتاج الى الكثير من الوقت والجهد والاموال لذلك قررت شركتنا ان تعتمد على افضل الالات والاجهزة المميزة التى تساعد فى التعرف على مكان التسرب من خلال افضل الاجهزة فيقوم العاملين بالتحرك بالجهاز المميز والتى يساعد فى التعرف على مكان التسرب فى اقل وقت ممكن فالجهاز يصدر ذبذبات يساعد فى القيام بالتعرف على مكان التسربتعد شركة الاول افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالاحساءشركة كشف تسربات المياه بالقطيف – و افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام – وافضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالجبيل – و افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض افضل شركة نظافة بالرياض – و شركة كشف تسربات المياة بالمدينة المنورة واسعارها في متناول الجميع ومن الهام التاكد دائما من خلو منزلك من تسربات المياه حتى لا تتعرض لمشاكل مثل انهيار وتصدع المبانى الاول افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض تستخدم اجهزه الكترونية اكشف التسرب بالذبذبات وتغطى كافة مناطق الرياض فهى افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه شرق الرياض___________كشف تسربات المياه بالاحساء – – و افضل كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام – وافضل كشف تسربات المياه بالجبيل – و افضل كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض – و كشف تسربات بالمدينة المنورة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياضنوفر افضل اجهزة كشف تسربات المياه وبدقة عاليه يتم تحديد مكان التسرب واصلاح السبب بدون تخريب


  3. فريق شركة تسليك مجارى بالدمام المتخصص يتميز بالكفاءة و القدرة علي التخلص من جميع مشاكل تسربات الصرف حيث تعتبر شركة أبراج دبي من أهم و أكبر الشركات بجميع أنحاء المملكة العربية السعودية .للتواصل الآن عن طريق :-


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